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God Survey

 

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Manufacturers of God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage of our product.  In  order to better serve your needs, we ask that you take a few moments to  answer the following questions.  Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

  1. How did you find out about God?
  2. bullet__ Newspaper
    bullet__ Bhagavad-Gita
    bullet__ Television
    bullet__ Divine Inspiration
    bullet__ Word of Mouth
    bullet__ Near Death Experience
    bullet__ Koran
    bullet__ Communist Manifesto
    bullet__ Tabloid
    bullet__ Burning Shrubbery
    bullet__ Bible
    bullet__ Torah
    bullet__ Other Sources (specify): _____________
  3. Which model God did you acquire?
  4. bullet__ Yahweh
    bullet__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
    bullet__ Jehovah
    bullet__ Jesus
    bullet__ Allah
    bullet__ Satan
    bullet__ God
    bullet__ G_d
    bullet__ None Of The Above, I Was Taken In By A False God
  5. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
    bullet__ Yes
    bullet__ No
    bulletIf no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here: ________________________________.
  6. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god?  Please check all that apply.
  7. bullet__ Indoctrinated by parents
    bullet__ Needed a reason to live
    bullet__ Indoctrinated by society
    bullet__ Needed focus in who to despise
    bullet__ Imaginary friend grew up
    bullet__ Hate to think for myself
    bullet__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
    bullet__ Fear of murder by a missionary
    bullet__ Wanted to piss off parents
    bullet__ Needed a day away from work
    bullet__ Desperate need for certainty
    bullet__ Like organ music
    bullet__ Need to feel morally superior
    bullet__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
  8. Have you ever worshipped a God before?  Is so, which false god were you fooled by?  Please check all that apply.
  9. bullet__ Odin
    bullet__ Cthulhu
    bullet__ Zeus
    bullet__ The Almighty Dollar
    bullet__ Apollo
    bullet__ Left Wing Liberalism
    bullet__ Ra
    bullet__ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur
    bullet__ The Great Spirit
    bullet__ The Great Pumpkin
    bullet__ The Sun
    bullet__ Bill Clinton
    bullet__ The Moon
    bullet__ Burning Cabbage
    bullet__ The Bomb
    bullet__ Other: ________________
  10. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God?  Please check all that apply.
  11. bullet__ Tarot
    bullet__ Lottery
    bullet__ Astrology
    bullet__ Television
    bullet__ Fortune cookies
    bullet__ Ann Landers
    bullet__ Psychic Friends Network
    bullet__ Dianetics
    bullet__ Palmistry
    bullet__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
    bullet__ Self-help books
    bullet__ Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll
    bullet__ Biorhythms
    bullet__ Bill Clinton
    bullet__ Tea Leaves
    bullet__ EST
    bullet__ Mantras
    bullet__ Jimmy Swaggart
    bullet__ Crystals
    bullet__ Human Sacrifice
    bullet__ Pyramids
    bullet__ Wandering around a desert
    bullet__ Insurance policies
    bullet__ Burning Shrubbery
    bullet__ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur
    bullet__ Barney Fife
    bullet__ Other: _____________________
    bullet__ None
  12. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.  Which would you prefer (circle one)?
  13. bulletMore Divine Intervention
    bulletLess Divine Intervention
    bulletCurrent Level of Divine Intervention Is Just Right
    bulletDo Not Know.  What Is Divine Intervention?
  14. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.  Please rate on a scale of 1-5 his handling of the following (1=Unsatisfactory, 5=Excellent):
    1. Disasters
    2. bullet__ (1-5) Flood
      bullet__ (1-5) Famine
      bullet__ (1-5) Earthquake
      bullet__ (1-5) War
      bullet__ (1-5) Pestilence
      bullet__ (1-5) Plague
      bullet__ (1-5) AOL
      bullet__ (1-5) Windows 98
    3. Miracles
      bullet__ (1-5) Rescues
      bullet__ (1-5) Spontaneous remissions
      bullet__ (1-5) Stars hovering over town
      bullet__ (1-5) Crying statues
      bullet__ (1-5) Water changing to wine
      bullet__ (1-5) Walking on water (except Cuyahoga)
      bullet__ (1-5) Talking flaming shrubbery
      bullet__ (1-5) VCR that sets its own clock
      bullet__ (1-5) Saddam Hussein still alive
      bullet__ (1-5) Marlins winning the Series
      bullet__ (1-5) Clinton's re-election
  15. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services?  (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)
 

 

Objectivism 101
Objectivism 101