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Humorously Speaking Speech 5:
The Humorous Speech
I am Sam.
Sam I am.
Do you like e-mail and spam?
No, I do not like e-mail and spam.
I do not like it, Sam I am.
Would you like an exciting offer?
Perhaps a way to stuff your coffer.
No, I would not like an exciting offer.
I'm quite happy with my coffer.
I do not like e-mail and spam.
I do not like it, Sam I am.
Would you sign a WTO protest?
Or take the Al Gore-Unabomber test?
No, I won't sign a WTO protest.
Nor take the Al Gore-Unabomber test.
I do not like exciting offers.
I want no spam to fill my coffers.
I do not like e-mail and spam.
I do not like it, Sam I am!
Surely you want to open your mind,
To alternative lifestyles not your kind.
No, I do not want to open my mind
To alternative lifestyles not my kind.
You can stuff your WTO protest,
along with your Al Gore-Unabomber test.
I do not like unsolicited offers.
I tire of your spam filling my coffers!
I do not like e-mail and spam.
I do not like it, Sam I am!
Perhaps a notice of a cat named Arthur.
He needs someone to be his father.
I do not care about the cat named Arthur.
I have no interest in being his father.
I am now certain to close my mind
to alternative lifestyles not my kind.
Please just shred your WTO protest,
and flush your Al Gore-Unabomber test.
I despise your unsolicited offers.
I'm sick of your spam filling my coffers!
I do not like e-mail and spam.
I do not like it, Sam I am!
How about a degree-mill diploma?
It shows you're not just in a coma.
I do not need a degree-mill diploma.
I already know I'm not in a coma.
Why don't you shoot the cat named Arthur?
I have no interest in being his father.
I have just permanently closed my mind
To alternative lifestyles not my kind.
I will burn your WTO protest,
and bomb your Al Gore-Unabomber test.
I find insufferable your unsolicited offers.
I' m ready to puke from my spam-filled coffers!
I abhor your e-mail and spam.
I abhor you, too, Sam I am!
Surely you want photos lewd and crude
of famous celebrities in the nude!
I'll reject all photos lewd and crude
of famous celebrities in the nude!
I do not need a degree-mill diploma.
You're the one who is in a coma.
I'm ready to eat the cat named Arthur.
I'll parbroil him and feed him to father.
I'll never, ever open my mind
To alternative lifestyles not my kind.
To Hades with your WTO protest,
you've just flunked the Al Gore-Unabomber test.
Into the trash with your unsolicited offers.
Overflowing is the spam filling my coffers!
I really, really hate e-mail and spam.
I really do, Sam I am!
Why are you so closed-minded?
You need each thing--I'm here to find it.
It's not that I am closed-minded
But what I need--you'll never find it.
What you've given me is worse than spam.
It's intellectual sewage--mental toe jam.
Stop sending me spam, Sam I am
before I blow your server to Nam.
And be sure to note, you belligerent fool
that I have at my disposal a useful tool.
Your spam has been forwarded to the KSC Postmaster
to alert him of your acts unbecoming a KSC Toastmaster!
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